When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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