So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
