I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
