listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
