god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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