i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
