guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
