Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
