listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
