He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
