i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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