I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
