I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
