These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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