First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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