If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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