Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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