dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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