At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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