as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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