Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
