Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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