Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
