i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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