why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
