When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
