We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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