It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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