sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Panties = found
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