There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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