she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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