dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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