Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
