I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
