She is in my trunk
You work out of a Hotel?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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