he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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