If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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