Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
false alarm, still single
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
