Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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