youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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