He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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