She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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