So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
