i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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