The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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