if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
