A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
