I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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