So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
