He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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