Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
