We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
