I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
