girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
