could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
