I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
