Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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