I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
