I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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